hello all!
it has been a long time since i blogged on this blog. i realli do miss tis blog much..
so fast it has been, since the days of hcco concert huang zhong da lv 2006! time has realli passed. me as a member of hccoxyz 0506, already feel so old. days of practising for concert 06 in the lt3 and the audi, already seem like the good old days when i enter the mph. so many things have changed, people too. the j1s of yesterday who joke around all the time in 06, has become the j2s to shoulder the responsibility of syf 07 .. the j2s of hccoxyz06, have each separated for their own paths..gathered tgther in mph onli because of hcco.now we are j3s, we are called the "seniors" of hcco.. seniors coming back to see our juniors .. n its the same to j4s like junkai, n the other j5s. n mayb, nx sat u might see the j6s?
hah. my blogging skills haf decreased so much, now i dun even noe how to express my tots in words. i stil rmb the time aft the concert where i typed a super long post to conclude my feelings, haha, it has been 1 year! 1 year since i said bye-bye, n i noe, at tt time, tt i wont be going over to see my juniors. i wont be gg over to the block B classrooms n see how they are doing, how are they, how are their practices. cos i haf alr say bye-bye rite? it took 7 months for me to overcome the fear of saying bye-bye, tt i finally stepped again onto hcco grounds. tt was in march 2007 i think, when i finally decided to go down n c the new blood of hcco n hccoxyz.
cos syf 2007 was coming.
i rmb it was a wednesday, aft i quitted my job, n i purposely chose tt day cos the j2s were having their blocks. the mph housed my memories of chsco, but when i entered there were pple that i din noe. i knew they were hcco juniors, but they duno im a hcco senior.
they had a small practice session. i saw what i wanted to, n got what i wanted to know. i left a while after.
to me hcco will forever remain as tt chapter in the book tt me n my batchmates haf created. i was merely flipping the book to a later date n seeing how hcco has become.i was trying to see how the story of hcco 0607 is, or at least trying to know..
aft tt wed i tried my best to go for their sat practices, but wat can i do? onli to go back. the power to change things haf departed, from all of us "seniors", n the chance to do sth as a team, n not as individuals, haf left without a trace. wat are we now? floating individuals. objects tt work according to their own principles n rules, n work towards their choices in life. thruout my life in hcco, although short, i have always tot tt the chance to work as a team is one of the greatest blessings. 80 pple working towards the same goal, 80 pple breathing the same breath, n dreaming the same dream. wat other kind of luxury can replace tis? wat kind of entertainment can giv u the same sense of achievement n elation when the fruits of their labour finally blossomed?
i was thrown up in the SCH gallery. i was shouting "xianyue!" all the way.. n at tt moment, happy as i was, the fight has ended, n the power to change has been transferred. but i din worry, cos there wil be pple who wil use tt power again for the sake of hcco!
there are n wil be times when i wil feel lost n regret, when i see the flag of hcco being risen in any concert halls n its music being played. i wil think back to my times in hcco n hccoxyz, picturing the moments exactly as they were a dozen years ago, n listening once again, to those shouts n cheers, n the times when evebodi was dejected, when the morale was low, but we kept on practising. den i wil think, how great it wil be if im on tt stage now. wif my batchmates of hcco, n playing the same music as hcco is playing now. how great it wil be, to experience the same monotonous routine tt hcco haf in its monday n wed practices, n to go out aft prac for dinner knowing tt the next day is yet another gruelling day of school n tutorials. work half-finished, in class it will be listening to lectures but thinking abt co. yep. it wil be great..
i wonder if 1 year later, aft u graduated from hc, wil u feel the same?
u will be that unknown senior, coming back to mph, seeing the juniors whom u dun recognise, n den thinking back to those past times yet again, except, tt urs is uniquely urs, ur story, will be so different from mine..
9 days left rite? 9 days is not alot frankly. u might think the standard of the co now will be tt of the co onstage on the 10th. but dun forget! until the last sec onstage, each n every one of u haf the power to change. to change wat? the fate of hcco? the results of syf? the chance of getting to the top?... i think, more importantly, u all haf the power, to change ur own story, tt particular chapter in HCCO tt is dedicated to hcco0607.. do u aim for GwH? do u aim to be the top jc co? but wat are these actually? standards set by whom? who said we are the top... jus by clinching 2 consecutive GwH? is hcco all abt syf? or is syf all abt GwH? to me, i think,syf is merely a climax in the story. who can doubt its significance to ani one of us who were from co? but, whether u like it or not, syf 07 will end tt day, will end at tt moment, n evethg will settle down once again, the j2s will leave, n new j1s will come in. b4 u noe it, the nx syf, syf09, comes along... n the process repeats. do u aim for syf07? or do u fight syf07? for something as temporary as tis, i see no value in putting in utmost effort, sweat n blood to it. aft all, so what if we "win"? is winning tt impt? tt temporary glory pasted on each n every one of the 80 faces, the cries of joy resounding in the hall... they will fade, in time they will fade, n all will remain bleak n bare yet again, as though nth has happened. and then.. when u come back ten years down the road... u will feel envious.envious of tt temporary glory, now pasted on ur juniors' face, envious of the shouts and calls which u once had.
if GwH is wat u aim for, den i might as well chuck u into some co tt is better than hcco. some co tt u know haf a better chance of winning. because u wan to win rite? den when the results is announced, n ur co wins, wouldnt u be happy? elated? flushed wif glory, tt I have won the GwH? tt I was part of the team, part of the top jc co in sg? is tt wat it is all abt?
there was tis scene on syf which kept replaying in my mind. i saw some tjco pple crying aft they lost syf. they were crying out loud. why do pple cry? is losing a competition so great a force as to make pple cry? or are they sad tt all their effort put in are washed down the drain? ... then they began to cheer, as one whole big co, some amidst tears. they cheered n cheered, until the whole hall was filled wif their cries n shouts, until all the other co were looking at them, even those tt "won". i was looking at them, n there was sth inside me tt compelled me to respect them. respect this cheer, n respect these pple who had gone onstage proudly wif their co flag...
who can replace u in ur co? who could haf gone thru the same shit as u went in tis 1 year, who could haf acted as ur role in hcco? even if u ponned regularly, even if u were so bo-chap abt hcco all the time, WHO could haf known n felt what u had? WHO could haf ur attitude? WHO could possibly come by and replace u, as part of the team of hcco? whether u r a zhonghu, gaohu, erhu, u haf ur role! it has been a fact since the day u joined, it stil is a fact 9 days to syf. the crucial part is whether pple admit their roles or not, right? cos if they dont, the co is said to be "not bonded". tests n exams, outings n gatherings will be much more impt, n pple will flee from co practices, thinking that if they dun screw up on May 10, evethg will be fine. tis is, of cos, natural to those who fail to see who they are in tis co...
so, wat is all this abt syf, abt winning, abt GwH, abt the top co? does tt mean we shld all slack off n go home n rest until the 10th where we go n perform, jus so to 'participate' in syf? seriously, if u are those who cant wait for all this to end, u might wan to take tis suggestion... aft all, y sweat? i wouldnt blame u if u think like tt...
but for those whom i know, those who call themselves hcco-ians, i would say, go up tt stage proudly, n show the sweat n blood that u all haf put in all these months.. show not to the audience, or to the judges, or even to the seniors of hcco, but show to yourselves, show to ur batchmates, tt you can do it, all of you can, as a team, and as hcco. go up, n make yet another legend of hcco come true... bcos the music played will be urs, the hard work put in will be urs, the memories will be urs...n, the story of hcco0607 will be yours. put tt final fullstop in place on tt stage, n let hcco record yet another history of glory n pride, of which none of us can ever wipe away. and then, when u finally close tt book n leave, pass tt book on to the nx batch of hcco-ians... n rmb, tt nth in it will be temporary, nth in it will be as superficial as "GwH" or "winning", for hcco will stand tall n straight, whether or not u or i leave. syf 07 will and shall end, but hcco will forever remain...
syf is but one competition, hcco is a legend. i hope tis statement shall suffice to summarise alot tt im trying to say..
i hope, in any case, tt my post did not offend anibodi. these are merely tots from a senior, and if any of u dont agree,u can go ahead n delete the post n i wont twitch an eyebrow at all! frankly, this may be the last time i CAN post such messages, since once the current batch of j2s leave, i would know practically nobodi in hccoxyz....n den my post might become "jus-another-stranger"'s post.
tt shld be all tt i can squeeze out now. mm. i haf to rush to pack my stuffs b4 gg in tonite. 10 days later i will be out, but by then alot would haf happened rite? this period shld be all of ur most memorable time, the time of biaing! i hope j1s visit this blog? haha. cos i haf a msg for them:
no matter if u gonna quit aft syf or WATEVER. the fact is right now YOU are one of the 80, others may not be as lucky as YOU who haf gotten in. Look at me, im jus an old donkey squeaking nonsense here, while all u haf to do is to play the wrong note at the wrong bar, or gan pai zi, or watever, to change the whole music produced by ur orchestra! i can shout n cry here until my throat becomes hoarse, but YOU jus nid to attend the practices (whether or not voluntarily), concentrate on every twinny litt mistake tt u make n make sure YOU correct them, and YOU can change alot more than I can! I can act enthu here n try to motivate pple, but YOU jus nid to put in tt effort, show tt u care, n play ur heart out! I am darn useless now, occupying some space in this blog, typing tis stupid long post trying to convey my tots, but YOU jus nid to sit in xiaozu/dazu, n use ur erhu to convey YOUR feelings!
and so, to all hccoxyz07 peeps, recognise the chance tt YOU haf, realise the power that YOU haf, and know, that YOU are part of hcco! to some of u, tis is jus the end of the beginning... but dun forget, (as i said b4), there WERE seniors who were sitting in the same seat as u r sitting right now... and in a way, YOU represent all of us... :)
do i haf sth to say to hccoxyz06? oh yea haf tons. but time is merciless, as proven by my clock in front of me. u all haf much more to say in this blog, seriously, so i shant waste my breath on wat u all alr noe. all the best then!
and on the morning of 11 may, the sun will rise, a new day will begin, and a story will be completed... -winks- :)
to junzhi: i finally abandoned the idea of writing tt book. lets jus say tt wat could haf been written down shld alr haf been written. there was no need for tt book at all... a sorry here, for being too oblivious to alot of stuffs gg on here. i guess u would haf pulled thru fine all alone, right?... aft all, tis is hccoxyz0607....
i look forward to hearing hcco's victory roar on 100507! Shout until i can hear in the fields of tekong!! And then, i will know, that another hcco legend has been completed.... :)
Ning Fei (hccoxyz 0506)
