Xianyue Camp

i guess no one wants to blog cos there's nothing for them to blog. n why nothing for them to blog? cos either they are out of xianyue, or they are in but not doing anything in xianyue.

i shall be blunt and straightforward in this post.

i mus first apologise for using this blog as a place where i can shout out loud, but wat im gonna shout is of concern to xianyue, hence i c some bits of relevance for this post to be here.

as wat jiankai said, my flame has gone down, and the burning passion is quickly dissolving. as wat i said, im tired.

its been a long road since the day i joined this co. n im tired, bcos its tiring for someone to continue shouting when nobody hears.

i guess tis post will seem v irrelevant to anione looking at it rite now, cos the meaning behind this is not in the words, but between the lines.

i haf come to blog about the Xianyue Camp 2005.

it was the greatest challenge in my seventeen years of life. it showed alot to me, n i learnt alot, as i haf mentioned before. the amount of emotional and spiritual struggle within oneself, the amount of thickness the layers of ur face can make up of, the amount of happiness,sadness,disappointment,aghast,frustration,endurance,relief one can ever feel mixed up tgther, the camp haf provided me the excellent chance. n more i fear. for i noe that thru this camp, some part of me haf disappeared. i noe that this camp haf made me tired. i noe that this camp, altho it might not change anyone else, haf certainly changed me alot.

my tots n views on the camp goes along wif that for the current hcco and mayb even some of the old tchsco that i was in. for me, the hols haf been a "co" hols, thanks to the Xianyue Camp, budden, since i learnt so much, i din regret spending my time.

i wont say im not disappointed,angry with anyone. cos thats not the truth. i considered typing every bloody name on this site, but, life haf to go on. let not the names be eternally screened, so that i may forget what hatred n anguish i haf bore during the preparation for the camp. hope that pple will change, n life will seem happier, altho hidden underneath every smiling faces, there's alys so many that hides the sword in their heart.

i jus read zhengyou's blog. din noe wat the paricipants think about the camp, but now i do. the words that he used were heart-breaking, but the truth is said.im only sorry for the 15 odd pple that turned up, for the lousy organising, lousy planning, lousy schedule, lousy decisions, lousy.....its an irony. n to think that i imagined a camp so different as that of the Xianyue Camp 2005. the atmosphere. the people. the attitude. the activities. the team of organisers. me. different....out of the world. completely..unexpected?....im flipping thru my small little notebook....n realli. its terrifying. how so much haf not been done. how so mani haf not yet been said. how so .much.

i see it!!! i see it!! so many! give me! give me a team, give me a camp....i will do it. i am very sure i will do it. i can do it. i haf the ability...n now i noe y i cried on that day.

becos it failed.

simple but hard truth. im proud to c myself able to admit it. for it may look v easy for anione of u out there reading this blog, but no, its not for me. esp when u haf no one to look for. esp when all directions u face onli blank, expressionless faces look back at u. esp when ur frens wan to help but duno how to bcos they haf nv experienced this before. i nv blame them.

its a torture. if i haf been anione of my unenthu hcco-mates organising, i will haf died. realli. at least go crazy.

my parents tot i was crazy......

can u believe it, when u haf to resort to discussing the camp wif ur family? do u noe how many times i yelled at my family mems, zhengyou? when i haf no one to yell at too. u noe how it feels, dun u? u noe how it feels rite? but at least u haf bong rite?...n do u noe how bad it was when i regain my conscious aft yelling?when u realise tt u jus did sth to someone that is NOT responsible for ani of the shit that u r doing? that is totally out of their business. n its ur family. try it. it hurts.

i was stressed. right since duno when, before promos.i din realise it, until one day when i asked my bro for help, n he gave me a blunt ans without thinking cos he was busy. he haf a life. i was anguished, angry. i tot he jus din care. n i shouted...n den he asked me one ques calmly "are u stressed?" n i said, "yes". that was the time when i realise the camp was taking up my life. i was blind..

u c, nobody can realli understand wat the small frog in the well is saying, bcos everybodi is up there looking down at it. even if he/she listens to wat the frog croak, the onli thing he/she can feel is the frog's tone. not the frog's heart. it doesnt hurt when u noe pple dun understand. it hurts when u noe pple think they noe they understand. when actually wat they understand is bullshit. atleast some of them.

the notebook is cool.i din noe i had so mani plans for the camp.now i can safely say that the participants of xianyue camp 2005 haf onli gone thru 5% of the dreamed xianyue camp 2005. at first i tot it was 10%. but i was wrong....pple who flipped thru the notebook, often read the diary part. they missed the big part..the planning one. bcos they think these parts are not important. bcos its all over the place. but ironically, the important parts are all around.

i guess in the end, it was realli "eventless", huh?

it is my fault.i started the camp, i destroyed it wif my bare hands. as wat i haf told zhengyou and dayang during the stayover, "this camp is an extra. it is an out-of-the-world,it is out of the cycle. bcos in the co world, in the jc life, nobodi haf ever heard of the 'Xianyue Camp' before. therefore its feared. pple fear the unknown. pple shun away. therefore its destined to be cancelled." in the end, it was not. but sadly to say, it has transformed into sth that i haf nv fathom before. it was not even a camp.

im not gg to bitch about the sls, those team of organisers that said they wanted to organise tis camp. i haf no one to bitch about. they haf their reasons in leaving, i haf my goal to reach. but i say that its my fault solely, for not making u all enthu about the camp, for not handling the planning, esp the venue and stuff, well. i haf tot thru it, n they leave bcos of me. or rather, my actions. hence i learnt this one impt lesson in the camp: nv blame others, blame urself first.i wont hide it, but y the camp turn out like this, 99% is bcos of a weak team of organisers.n i say this again, tat the fault lie solely on me.

i was too ignorant.

i din wan to go into this. in the past i used to think if u r strong enuff, nothing can stop u. i realise until now that, as i haf so painfully said in the camp, that u alys need help. whether issit physically, or emotionally. u need pple around u. to help. simply....to be around.

sometimes during the course of the camp, i will think that this is not "xianyue camp" but "ningfei's camp". i tot of that when i cancelled a meeting 2 am in the morn.n i felt cold inside out. cos tis was not wat i wanted it to be. altho many would haf believe so, IT IS NOT. n to hell to those who believe thus. bcos im not that kind of person. so dun use ur own kind of char to judge my char. i din want it to be lidat...n when i heard other sec sch pple saying "ur camp" "ningfei's poor thing camp" ...i duno wat to feel. its like pouring a truck of rubbish onto u. u all realli make me feel like im like an idiot....like i haf nothing beta to do. like im doing some spa service for u all...like im a servant. like im nothing. n a nothing is organsing sth,.....so who cares???? who cares to attend something so unimportant? i respect ur decision n choice in coming or not, but i despised ur attitude. u may go ahead n think that the camp is rubbish, i wont mind, but u haf no right to push evething to me when u duno the details. altho its my fault, u duno WHY its my fault.

n thus i start to hate these people.

but, it was a miracle for me not to rebut or retaliate. i learnt to keep low. n remember. rmb those faces, or names, or reps of schools, that haf in one way or another lost their basic form of human nature. n i will remember...unconsciously no doubt, but i will remember...

sadly, thats wat i told myself. to remember! dun forget those bastards! those evil-faced foul-tongued people! dun forget the cold-hearted world, the brain-washed ultra-conservative society, the stupid excuses that pple made up jus to avoid joining the camp! dun forget them!...but no. onli a child thinks that. life will go on...may this be the last time i tokked about them. bcos from now on they are strangers to me.

"even if there are 100 pple who haf shown evil, n 1 person who haf shown kindness in the process of preparing the camp,i will onli rmb the 1 person, bcos onli he/she is worth remembering."

i think i haf spoken enuff.i apologise for using this blog to shout.

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i jus took a break. to forget about the evil human nature that we all haf -- to hate. bcos im gonna thank pple now, n i dun wan to bear the "to hate" heart to thank pple.

ok. i shal start to thank:

the Singapore Soka Association. whom i owed so much so much for. haha u participants may not feel it, not even siu hon or weiyang, cos u all wasnt in contact with them at all before the camp..i did. n their politeness and kindness realli awed me. i mean, who would haf cared for a bunch of co guys gathering around and having a camp? which organisation will lend the place for us to use? n besides that, the sleeping bags, the laptop, the projector....the keyboard, the milo powders, the utensils....i realli duno how to thank them. at least for my whole life i wouldnt forget the SSA.even if u may not see this, miss wong n miss tan, but i sincerely thank you from the bottom of both the camp's heart and my heart.

i realise i owe alot of pple for this camp...

to the list of sectional leaders of different secondary schools and junior colleges, whom i haf troubled over the months or weeks in contacting their sections and informing them about the camp, my heartfelt thanks for ur time n effort

Vincent Cat High
Xin Hui SNGS
Yu Hao TCHS
Wenqi/Andrea/Hannah NYGH
Ming Quan RI
Sherry/Joyce RGS
Wei Jian Pasir Ris
Liza Nanhua
Ziwei RV
Rachel Zhonghua

n for those whom i din personally contact,

Dunman High CO SL
VSCO SL
Ngee Ann CO SL
CCHS (M) CO SL
CCHS (Y) CO SL
Coral Sec CO SL

n of cos, not forgetting the SLs of all JCs except SRJC(which dun haf a co), the group whom i haf started my idea out with originally:

to those whom did not join in the comm:

Chinyong VJ
Jiayi YJ
Linghui JJ (VP and not SL)
Yan Ping NJ
Kah Yee CJ (Pres and not SL)
Chuan Guan MJ
Bernice/Yifang IJ

yea mus apologise for taking up ur time n such. altho some of u alr knew that ur mems wont be interested, but i din giv up hope. yep thx at least for replying to my messages...

and, not forgetting my sls comm who had sludged thru the months listening to my phone calls, receiving my bad news via smses, n attending my boring mtgs(now that i think of it, it was realli sianzzz...):

wanyan PJ : thanks for doing the letter for the boss! haf to take off some of ur time to do the letter cos i was busy wif another thing. moreover u were the secretary! alrite n thx for listening to all those phone calls about updates on the camp. hur i think i shld thank all the sls for that.n yupz thx for asking ur jc mems too!

linglong ACJC: thanks for accompanying me to tour the soka place and the Kent Ridge Park!well cant say u benefited from it since in the end u din come, budden jus thx for the company.and oso to attend the meeting at hwachong.

pei han ACJC: thanks for spending ur time off in the first place to contact ur fellow section mates! even when u were about to leave, u stil did sth out of ur job. so thx!

weiling AJC: mus thank u for doing the score....hope u will send it to me next year! n for ur enthuness in the veri first place...yea stil rmb u said u were looking forward to meet the fellow SLs even before the first meeting. i mus say sorry for making the mtgs n such a failure....i wasnt even able to do a contact list for us..yea so sorry for the disappointment caused. n thx for informing ur section mates...din blame u for them not coming over...

cheryl SAJC: u i haf realli to say sorry cos in the first place i din noe the response from ur sch was tt bad...den i keep calling u up to "update" u ...yea. i was thinking u sure would be in the comm....yep so sorry for ur time wasted. but thank you for informing ur section mates esp, cos u were the first to reply n confirm about the situation at ur school....right at the very first time in july. i jus wasnt able to confirm alot of things right until november....so ur departure from the comm n the camp i understand. yep n thx for the time used to discuss how to make ur frens go....

yuanting TJC: thanks for the support! one of those few that i can tokked to actually. thx for informing ur section mates, n dunman high! not forgetting finding a replacement for u since u haf work to do. n thx for jus sludging through and tokking crap!

huiling RJC: alrite u were the one skeptical one about the camp. haha wif alot of questions directing towards me and demanding if the camp is gg to work out...yea but thx for jus discussing the camp wif me during geco pracs n such! n for the multiple advices issued....n for the games tot? n for the two places that u found on the web....yea appreciate the help u lent.quite sad that u werent able to make it for the camp in the end...budden, next time?? haha. n u r realli a music freak..

weiliang TpJC: yo dude! honestly was saddened by the fact that u cant come for the camp in the end....jus a few days b4 the camp.jus wana say that u haf done alot alot alr! so thx! for the consent forms, for the garnering pple, ur side sec schs n such, for the numerous constructive advices about the camp t-shirt, the camp banner, the poster, the flyers(which all din turn up in the camp.....haiz)the late online chats. the stuff that i nid someone to do n u do it. n yep a great moral support for someone organising this camp....for pulling thru the 3 mtgs...despite sick n not free n such. haha even went pooling n such rite...yep many thanks! stay in touch!

siu hon NyJC: See below!

to all the comm SLs:
jus wana say sorry for letting all of u wait for me during meetings....i was late 30 mins for the first mtg, 1 hour for the 2nd, 40 mins for the third. so sorry! *slap slap*

n as i said, i dun blame ani of u for not attending the camp in the end :)

to my section mates:
yea Xianyue Camp 2005 haf shown alot. jus wana thank minyi for coming on the first day (altho i stil duno why u changed ur mind) n jin guan for the moral support, altho i noe u hate camps ...haha.xianyue camp helped me realise that things are jus liddat in xianyue now....no matter how hard i try, i stil nid a response from u all. yups. but i think i will jus keep trying? altho im tired la...hccoxyz rox!!

to jiankai and weiquan, my two best frens in class: thanks for the support!! u guys rox all the way! hell u two were even more concerned about the camp den some of the pple involved in it. hahaha...thx! realli is huan nan jian zhen qing....

to the hcco peeps who were coming to watch the concert: geraldine,chee gake,jian kai,zhixuan,royston,shou hao: thx for the support! u duno how much u gave to this poor soul!

to none other than the participants of Xianyue Camp 2005, of whom the camp would not haf even been held:

hongfei
junzhi
ruihong
chenyang
gim thia

my dear juniors who came to support....appreciate that u all came n lasted all 3 days! n not complaining too....hope u all learn sth? n pardon me if i was rude cos i was stressed...realli. esp u, chenyang...yea.n thx u all for adding to the sounds and noises of xianyue camp! hehe.

minyi
amelia
rachel

hahhaa.the sole 3 gals on the first day. minyi i dunnid say u shld noe how i feel. the other two....appreciate alot that u all came! esp esp when its a camp full of boys....(chi high boys)....n rachel ! haha. u realli got the guts man. n u got the enthuness...ha so dun be afraid to be enthu! n jus thx for putting in effort to ask pple to come....mm.

hong guan

heh hope the camp will make u more close to tchs boys. but jus wana say thx for coming!

n not forgetting those who came in on the second day:

the 3 RGS gals: sherry, joyce, serene
the 2 st. nicks gals: jiawei, sutyee
the 1 nyjc guy: minghao

yea thx for jus showing face....n hafing fun wif us! realli hope u all had a great time, altho wif the lagged schedule n such i doubt so :( ......thx for helping to inform pple! minghao thx for lugging those pails of water bombs all the way to KRP n having to sit down n listen to me about the games while bitten by mosquitoes....sherry thx for the msg! quite a morale-booster....

the 1 nyjc guy who came for the briefing/meeting but din come for the camp....: julian

yep thx for coming....appreciate ur presence!

the 6 seniors:

junkai,andrew,timothy,zhiyong,lixiang,boon shan

boon shan having to wake up so early to come onli to find that all participants are still sleeping :X....n thx for offering to help too!
junkai for coming aft (soooooo) many times i called n persuaded u to come....yup but hope u haf the time to prac ur erhu there :)
lixiang for coming over aft ur work n showing support all the way>>>>
zhiyong for agreeing to come right in the first place....(u were the first hehe)
timo for coming over on the first night, den go home, den come on second day again....(normally when pple come and see the state of the camp they will siam the second day....)
andrew for helping to carry all the shit for the station games !!! (which in the end half of it we din use...) n realli sorry! for dumping u at the crossroad and shouting at u over the phone ...was damn bloody hell stressed at KRP tt day.thx!!!

n thx oso for making the balloons with the words "Thank You SSA".....

*pant* see so many to thank for the camp....

i sincerely thank the two seniors who came:

melvin: altho u r J8 (or J9???), n not in xianyue, u still showed support for the camp, including the scores for anjing, n coming for the first day, playing the icebreakers, practising wif us. i cant put the thanks in words...u are a great senior! do come back often n join in the activities!!! no matter wat, u r still part of HCCO, cos u haven forget that u are part of it....AND, i still owe u $7!! (i think)

liangsheng: ok mus say sorry first, (sori!), for screaming at u unreasonably jus few days before the camp (which was my ultra-high-stressed period). please understand...but realli thx for coming back n helping out....n asking about the camp every now and den. now tt i organise this camp, i feel wat u haf gone thru when u organised the alumni co...or at least part of it. mayb urs is a subset cos urs onli nid to contact hwachong pple....but mine haf to contact pple from other schools that i dun even noe....but in any case, thx for creating fun and laughter in the camp! (altho not ur type of fun n laughter! :) )

whoaa.....finally. to some of the pple that i appreciated alot for their help...

lan lao shi! aka mr lam. whom without which the Xianyue Camp 2005 would nv haf occurred!..haha shant say why here. cos he wouldnt be looking at this. but i stil rmb tt time nearing midnite, i called u while i was out on NEL...den when u suggested that place...suddenly my phone bat went flat! i was so panicky den....haf to wait until i rush home from mrt....den call u immediately once i stepped inside. den it was u who took quite some time to help me....yuppppz. it was sth to be remembered...

miss tan! as in, the teacher incharge for HCCO...yup i noe i bugged u ALOT for this xianyue camp...n ya i was asking too much i admit. both for the venue and for the overnight thing. realli soooori for the trouble i caused wif Mrs Chin n for taking up ur lessons time. thx for ur effort in making everything smooth for the camp....n for the advise n help that u gave. okok, wont bugged u again for no reason la! my chem teacher next year leh....

to the two who were two pillars of moral support for me during the organising of the camp:

vera (TJC): yup altho u were a substitute for the comm mems u proved more than that! appreciate the times when u called to discuss the camp ...n for finding the sponsors n writing to the organisations, introducing to them about our camp....n of informing 3 sec schools n ur own tjc school, n of publicising the camp until like to other schools that i dun even noe got co....den to ur frens too (yea u got realli alot of co contacts)...n thx esp for urging ur tj section mates to go!!! heard from weiyang wat u did la....i often wonder how one tt is not attending the camp n not previously involved in the camp can be so enthu n persistent in asking pple to come.....oh well. u r one exception.aniwae mus mus mus thank you for the moral support...err ya cos u somehow replace the SLs that were leaving one by one....n sori haf to trouble u wif the camp stuffs....arr. duno wat to say. jus thx!

dayang (my hcco senior!) hahahha. u were prob the first one whom i bitched about the Xianyue Camp. i rmb it was at beauty world? the Macs there. yups.yay thx for listening to me den! we tokked late into the night aft that pooling session rmb? (that time i thrash u ...) yea tt was the first ever i tokked about the xianyue camp in detail other than my family.hehe.thx for the listening ear! n of cos...thx for the utmost support all the way for the camp!!!!noe u were quite sad that bcos of army cant go for the camp...u noe when i was at my lowest, at the start of dec, when i was about to cancel the camp, i tot tt "nvm la, still got dayang will surely go one." haha. u were a buddha den lo.thx for encouraging me to go on at my hardest time....a v good companion!

n lastly, but mostly, to the four of u,whom without which the Xianyue Camp 2005 wouldnt haf been possible, literally:

my two frens cum helper cum camp-mates:

siu hon (nyjc): dude! alys so dudedy....yup u were the onli one left out of all the original 9 organisers, n i thank u for staying n helping out. more importantly, for being "alone" in the camp, for most of the participants are either from the same outside orch or same school or jc. u are realli the most out...dun mind me say. but haha u stayed on thru-out the 3 days, i duno how n why, but jus thx for transporting all the food, for lending ur gaohu (dragon head) n erhus, for copying fenpus, for tokking cok to me n weiyang, for insisting on helping out instead of having fun in the camp with the participants, for trying to cheer the whole mood up, the whole atmosphere up, for bon-ning me...for having fun with us, a bunch of strangers! esp for helping out in the station games....u noe...the hard work n such. for listening to wat i asked u to do during the camp, altho u haf no obligation to do so. alot bah...for informing too ur 4 section mates, for pulling in pple to come n help...mus say sori for ani mood swings that i had during the camp,n for ani rude things i said. cos again: i was stressed.haha.yup if got another time,dun mind being helpers with u again! n keep that xianyue spirit up for as long as u can!

weiyang(tjc): haha. i DIN expect u will help THAT much.haha. u din seemed that keen to help in the first place. but i was glad that u helped out. yea u were the excellent kitchen boy....all washing/making of bread/preparing of stuffs/ haha u auto will go do one.den got anithing will ask me if nid to do....woa realli thx alot for helping out! altho in the first place u werent even supposed to do anithing at all!....like i jus asked u whether u can helped out onli days before??? n haha thx for everything i haf said up there, plus esp the tokking cok sessions....n ya u are a bloody direct person cannot tahan hahaha.alrite n thx for urging me along during the camp to keep on to schedule when i was losing faith in everything...i guess everyone can see i was huh. but u keep asking me to go on to the next activities...haha my indecisiveness realli v bad ....okok. yup jus thx for being one of the lonely 3 pple doing all the hard work behind the camp!!!

yep hope all 3 of us can team up tgther again, this time to organise a v successful camp!

im gg to die....blardy tired!!....budden. on to the last two whom im eternally grateful for:

zhenming (our dear chairman of HCCO!): THX! i knew u were bloody tired, both physically and mentally. u were v stressed too. even during the camp, calls for appeals n such...u were v busy, yet u gave ur best for the camp! n i noe being a group leader is v hard,im jus grateful that u n zy can so successfully bring up the mood on the first day! not onli for this, but for the silent support that u gave me for the camp, both as a fren and as a section-mate, im sori that i cant discuss the details of the camp to u, partly bcos i din wan to trouble u, partly bcos there jus was too much to say!!n yea, ur support meant alot, n esp thx for understanding how i felt when nobody wana come for the camp, n nobody wana come for the concert. tis kind of thing, is not use mouth say say onli....can feel one.n u realli helped out bcos of ren qing....so...yup i owe u a big one.ur trouble wif current HCCO, got anithing tel me! i wil do the utmost i can....

zhengyou (my junior cum decessor):heheh.its realli an irony...that time when i was about to cancel the camp? the day b4 i wanted to call soka n cancel the venue...budden there was the stayover. n i tot, mayb somebody will change my mind? cos i wasnt 100% confirm tt i will cancel it, i was 95%. n the onli person that i tot of that could change my mind was u. n haha, u succeeded and the camp went on! altho it wasnt as wat i had expected, but thx so much for saving the camp! n of cos, not to mention the numerous night talks that we had, which would relate to the xianyue camp no matter wat (the clarke quay, the chinatown) yupsss. u were both a physical n moral support, for u helped in contacting pple (helped alot!) n ya dun think i dun appreciate it but jus that....haiz.guys are liddat.n i realise that, the lu zhengyou of sec 2 - 3 is quite diff from that of sec 4! haha.improvement indeed. both the mind n heart.u should noe wat i mean. ok mus say sorry here for yelling at u twice, once over the phone, the other on the 2nd day. both were stressed, sure u understand. but i jus dun wan u to haf an impression of me yelling jus bcos im stressed, i dun yell whenever im stressed. i yelled at u cos i needed somebody to hear me. budden. ya i guess its my fault that everything happened. felt quite bad aft i yelled on the 2nd day, cos u realli haf no responsibility watsoever in the camp, hell i onli asked u weeks before? or days. n ur group leader post is hard i noe, esp with so litt pple, n with the weak activities n planning from us organisers. u try to understand wat im gg thru, but hell, nobody can, so jus wana say thx for jus trying to understand...mayb when u haf gone thru all this, den u will noe? budden, u wouldn't haf to go thru all this, cos Xianyue Camp 2005 haf alr been organised and carried out.....thx for everything. from spending time to contact, to understand, to being a group leader, a fren, n a support. without u the flame of xianyue camp would haf been blown out a long time ago, but u reminded me of my past years in chsco....that youth who had guts. well. dare to think of the impossible, as i haf repeated so mani times.u asked me to storm out everything the night before the camp, to shout everytthing out...so that the next day during the camp, i would be the happy me, cos u dun wan to c a depressed or pissed me organising a camp rite? but in the end, i still did mood swings rite? i still wasnt able to compose myself enuff....n still stone around, still pull a sad face. well for all that u n zhenming haf been trying so hard to make pple laugh, here i am to make pple sad wif my pissed look. i dun blame u for blaming me. i blamed myself too.budden. yup.i haf learnt thru tis ...

i am tired. its 6.10am. i started typing at ....2am??? 4 hours!!! the longest post i ever write before!!!

the no. of "thx" and "!" in this post is far more than all those i haf used in my previous posts...

i haf given hell lot for this camp. thanks to those who took it.this will be the last time i give to Xianyue Camp 2005.from now on life will return back to normal for me, no pursuing of venues, no running to principal's office,no having to do proposals late at night alys at the back of my mind, no running to com lab to do proposals during lunch breaks, no walking aimlessly around home thinking of games to play, no staring into space and visualing how the camp will take place, no taking out of my small little black notebook to jot down ani ideas that came into my mind, no contacting of pple that i duno, no asking SLs when are they free for meetings, no perfecting my english in the parental consent forms, no having to stand up for all the camp costs, no breaking down bcos of the stress...

no Xianyue Camp. the out-of-the-place camp that no one noes.

or issit???....

Xianyue Camp 2006......anyone?

Yo! Just here to say hi! =P

dedication

a song dedicated to all our dear seniors (if you all read this):

祝你一路顺风 - by 小虎队

那一天 知道你要走
我们一句话也没有说
当午夜的钟声 敲痛离别的心门
却打不开我深深的沈默

那一天 送你送到最后
我们一句话也没有留
当拥挤的月台 挤痛送别的人们
却挤不掉我深深的离愁

我知道你有千言你有万语 却不肯说出口
你知道我好担心我好难过 却不敢说出口

当你背上行囊 卸下那份荣耀
我只能让眼泪留在心底
面带着微微笑 用力的挥挥手
祝你一路顺风

当你踏上月台 从此一个人走
我只能深深的祝福你
深深的祝福你 最亲爱的朋友
祝你一路顺风

hope you enjoy it.

best wishes for your years ahead...

remember us. remember HCCOXYZ 2005. we will remember you.

awaken from a dream...

yupz.co camp jus ended today 7 dec. n im here damn shacked cos i onli had 1 hr of sleep in the past two days. (zhengyou!ur fault!)but stil wana blogg here cos....some things jus floated into my mind,n thru this co camp i realli learn alot..or shall i say re-learn? i duno either. wat i noe is, i haf finally...awaken from a dream!

co camp 5-7 dec. 5,7 dec is morn xiaozu, sectional lunch 3 hours, 2hr xiaozu + 2hr dazu.6 dec morn xiaozu, aftn supposed to be activities like caps ball and board games. den night go watch cco concert, n den stayover at our junior zhengyou's house.yea.ok i start wif the stayover? it was completely diff from the one tt our xyz grp had at minyi's house, altho er both live at sengkang? cos of the pple i shld say, of all the peeps onli dayang had gone to the previous stayover. the others are j1 bong wenxi n me, sec 4s shouhao,sinhwee,zhengyou,junzhi,ruihong,hongfei. yupz so quite alot of juniors....thus, i couldnt help but rmb the previous stayover during yest's stayover...hmm....was it tt long ago??...n now where were the j1s tt had attended the stayover at guinea's house??? duno y but feel quite sad when i recalled tt stayover yest..

i rmb it was cele sharon's bdae...

Guinea's Stayover (Part 2)

the key was alr in the lock! in a while both gals are gg to come in la!...so we quickly light the candle (while trying to wipe the cream off from dripping), den off all lights....den siam to a corner where they cant see us when they open the door. ok evething prepared so smoothly....we were waiting for the two....den guess wat the stupid maplestory bkground music was blasting loud! its like so ironic la the whole room dark dark onli can hear the cute cute sound playing.haha but we cant do anithhing le so might as welll....ya. ehh den we keep waiting but the two gals seem to be stuck outside....den libo suddenly realised that the lock tt we previously put in place haven been pulled back!...wahh.i haf to run to the door again n den pull the lock la. den run back again to the corner.wif cream dripping. den when she came in, minyi on the light of the kitchen (for duno wat reason>>>???) den we jus sort of "sprang out" n sang the happi birthday song lo.den sharon was standing like 10 feet from the cake liddat....so scared for wat???she wasnt stunned lo more of apprehensive, bet she predicted sth lidat rite?? cannot be poss tt she realised its fake just by seeing it?so we sang the song (unsuccessfully) den it was time to cut the cake la...err...minyi went to take the knife. den sharon jus cut the sponge wif it lo.attempted la. ok. i mus say here tt SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CLOSER TO THE CAKE WHEN CUTTING!! budden she did not she was ten feet away n leaning forward cutting the cake??? how i cream her wif the cake??? yea?? so wat happend later cannot entirely blame me la.

err ok she cut e cake like approx 3 times lidat (cos sponge leh how to cut>??) den i tot it was too obvious if she realise the "cake" cant be cut....so ya i quickly take the whole "cake" n "smash" (attempted) into her face. ya la her face was the target but duno y she dodged ???? n thus the cake onli creamed like her hair?? the whole cake was smacked on the floor la wif all cream flying about in all directions. yea stil rmb tt scene. den cos it was unsuccessfully (onli her HAIR got creamed?? aft so much preparation?:??) creamed, dayang quickly went in front n er "attacked" her face wif the cream la. i think got zham some.yay.yups den aft tt someone on the lights n bingo! the whole room was cream. the floor esp. haiz den we haf to wash up lo. use tissue paper wipe n den use mop to mop.err ok la din tot of using hand to dry the mop before mopping...wahh dun keep saying i dun do housework leh. aniwae ya each of us went to wash feet wif detol or sth cos the cream was OILY. yea in the end even the 'bdae gal' took the mop n mop la.chao paiseh haha..ehh for jus like 5 seconds of fun we had like so mani preparations n aftermaths work to do???hahaha. budden all for the fun ma.

n so ya aft all cleaning work was done, n dinner finished, time to show the real cake! so how we do it???hahaha.originally i asked her to siam aside, like got sth to tel her. but cant of think of anithing at tt time la. den was stuttering all the way...trying to make time while they prepare the candles n such on the real cake on a washing machine. got a few times its realli a close shave tt she saw the cake la. haha bet she din notice.we were like bringing the cake ard the house, some guys trying to distract her while others do the cake. budden in the end haf to resort to "use" minyi to call her to her room....which worked! hahahahahahahahhaa. in future got anithing jus ask minyi to distract her haha.ok den we prepared the cake taking our time la in the kitchen, den push the piano/organ chair back to the centre of the living room, den all things looking exactly the same as the first cake was presented. off the light. den we were making sounds to show tt we are eating dinner or sth. so as not to arouse suspicions mah. c hwa chong peeps so smart. den when all were ready, we asked minyi n sharon to come out lo. haha den sang the song again (duno how mani times unsuccessfully)den HA! bet she got the REAL shock tis time cos we all can c the stunned look on her face.hahahah.u dun think we will like onli cream u n not buy a cake right??yaya. so taking of photos wif cake, wishing bdae wish, cutting of cake, taking out of candles.blah blah blah. hahaha budden the two gals quickly siamed to the com to play ms again straight aft cutting the cake. so fast!! left me to cut finish the slices n distribute. free labour ar. n den ya had some washing up, some time lagging, n ya this is probably the end of our small litt surprise bdae for sharon.haha.

jin guan had to go at about 11 sth. so left 5 of us, dayang libo sharon minyi me. initially(aft like duno how long of pulling BOTH gals frm the com screen)we played poker. wif mahjong tiles as money. den haha ya it was ok some of us went bankrupt while others earned alot. ya i was beginner ok but i was down to the last mahjong tile when i revived!! n den i became rich!! hahhahaha.okok.

den pple go bathing...except me n libo.aft tt, our dear host decided tt she was too tired so she siamed to her queensize bed n slept from then on.which effectively leaves 4 of us around a glass table in the living room. wif a fan blowing. n pringles. ok so wat do 4 pple around 1 table do? yea we played contract bridge. n believe me, i tot it was not as fun as floating bridge...but i was wrong! haha! it was 2.30am we start our first game i think.haha evebodi was v jin sheng n focused la. cos i was sitting opps sharon n dayang opps libo, the teams are formed. den we competed! trust me it was damn mind-racking la. pple setting traps all over the place. haf to wreck ur alr half-dead brain in the middle of the nite to carefully put ur card.haha but dun mind me say but dayang was either quite noob or quite braindead cos he did alot of obvious mistakes (libo haf to remind him sometimes for some VERY obvious things...) den ya but he provided entertainment la at least.hahaha.okok.at the start we were quite honest la, but later evolved until the pairs start to communicate thru eye gestures (ok la sharon half the time err i din noe wat u were trying to communicate tho ha) den libo n dayang team even more pro use words to ask la.haha.but ok it was quite a fair game. esp team up mah.den got goal somemore. more motivation. more fun. yay.

we played from 2.30am to 8.30am, with no stops but onli one which i needed badly (cos nid to bang bang....u all v bad, dun let me bathe!!!! u la sharon the other two din say anithing lo.) but towards the end all 3 guys alr eyes drooping and head nodding down le except tt hyper gal...den when we play is like err nomore using of brains we jus DIN hav the resources in our brains to interpret the cards le lo. haha mus c our facial expression tt morn...its like sit there n play for 6 hours leh. the road became quiet to noisy, sun rising, birds chirping etc.haha. n we kept on playing n playing. budden it was realli a struggle la, sometimes 1 team win consecutive 4 to 5 rounds, blah blah. in the end, perfect score of 20 - 20! which meant we played 40 rounds of bridge in 6 hours.........which took up almost the whole night n part of the stayover.hahhaha. wat i learnt from tis stayover?? contract bridge is fun! dun mind playing in chalet!

ya aft tt, while we were playing the last few rounds, minyi sleepilliy came out den cooked breakfast for us. french toast!bread + egg. budden haiz nid me to go n fry aft the game was done.ehh mus say sori ar i realise i din fry the egg until its fully cooked some stil have the raw taste in it ..eee..in the end fried more than enuff tho.haf to stuff them into my stomach. den us 4 lied down on the sofa annd floor n jus fell aslp lo.for halfhour i think, while minyi was mapling.den at 10am sharon wana watched tis kids central show until like 11, so we pei her watch. den we zao le...yupz...

haha ok i told u the fun parts are both the buying food/cooking, preparing of cake and the 6 hours contract bridge parts.n so the next stayover....hope we haf more peeps to come n play!thx evebodi!!!~

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yupz tis was the fun stayover tt we had....tt i suddenly recalled yest when i was at zhengyou's house.budden the juniors were like playin PS2?den we oso watched movie.ya.den aft tt pple started to sleep, den aft playing wif small mahjong tiles we got bored n lied down lo (ruihong n hong fei were still playing the ps2 la)...n ya tt was the time when me, zhengyou n dayang realli started tokking crap...den aft tt...the xianyue camp came into the convo...n tt was when i was truly awaken..

yupz alot of u shld not noe the juniors that well rite? cos they frm chs. hongfei,junzhi n ruihong are all previously erhu players lo. n they are fast la, in handling songs... but still haf some areas to mo lian mo lian. as for zhengyou, he's my er decessor or sth, student conductor, n ya so naturally more close to him. oso erhu player. 4 of them should be joining us next year, but zhengyou shld b joining huangcheng in the first 3 mths. yea...haiz budden the other sec 4s haven come yet...so v hard for me to confirm who is joining or not.

yea...tt convo took place while we were like lying down with our 3 heads on one cushion in different directions. it practically touched on all that i haf been worrying abt xianyue stuffs ...ya can say tt. n ya zhengyou realli gave me a loud smack on my head. i mus admit tt as the aft-promos days go on, i became demoralised day by day...by both xianyue n xianyue camp. ok i feel no nid to elaborate here. but jus tt it became so bad tt a few days b4 i jus could not find tt enthuness ani long. tt enthuness of organising n organising. tt forever long nv die dreams, tt once lived in my soul.its like a wrecked piece of shit now.realli, i felt quite empty. its tt fortunate tt i had tt convo wif both DY n ZY, such tt i found back tt rush for xianyue. ya. briefly its like tis. cant express in words fully.

zhengyou -- forget abt wat shit tt i told u abt xianyue, forget abt anithing i said abt anione in xianyue cos u duno them yet, forget abt the bai lei words tt i stupidly uttered on tt nite....it was truly amazing how society changes people. i was like u, once tot to be immune to these things, but i was wrong, apparently.one cannot live without a strong identity of urself. i wil show u how fun xianyue peeps can be...

n abt the other juniors? did i tell u anithing abt the current situation? i think i mus spend my utmost time in the hols to tell u all evethg...since most j1s are not coming for hols pracs.

one thing said on tt nite was great -- as long as there is one person still holding tt trust n hoping u can do sth for him/her, it is worth it to plan the biggest event ever, no matter if it is jus for him/her. in other words, as long as there is one person still wana go for the xianyue camp, the camp will proceed. zhengyou was rite. it is a chance they have given me to do sth great. wat tot had i have to discard tis chance? haf i realli changed tt much??

as for my own section mates -- zhengyou n dayang, i still hold on to my views.strongly.when u become the sl, maybe u wil know. n others, pls support the camp!

mengdie is nice. yea i played the gaohu solo until it was like shit.realli.if in the end i am the one playing it for the concert, den i wil haf to train hard...but one thing abt the melody. it reminds me.....of none other than the co n xianyue stuffs tt we all had, esp syf....n syf, seniors. n seniors, xianyue dinner/outings...den the photos. den blah blah. i mus go n search for these memories....so tat the feeling in the solo part can be fully expressed. tt wil be my homework.

ooh.hey sharon u looked extra sianz today last day of camp in dazu.yea cant blame act. cos u onli gal in xianyue there. yea jus my observation...mmm..

minyi, yea anithing bu shuang say out ok? dun evething keep within urselves.. esp on tt first day of camp...xiaozu.

co camp...mayb wil blog some day abt it? or shld i? frankly, tis activity had made me n bong think more about our positions in co n stuff....n yea....co...has realli realli alot of probs now.im not afraid to say it out loud. from the juniors, to the current j1s, to the exco, n to particular individuals? budden. bong haf trust, so haf i. altho realli not mani cares abt the co now, it jus lightens ur heart when u think that at least there's another who cares abt it like you. realli. n den, back to the stayover convo: "as long as there is one person enthu...."

i called wuhan.he leaving on friday i think. den coming back onli in march nx year to get results...den....zao le.not coming back? he say duno....n den....i went back to read his first post...sheesh. i duno how or wat to say...but yeah. our paths haf to part one day....n it jus depends whose leave whose first..

it was 7 + pm when we were all leaving the LT aft a tired day's of xiaozu n dazu (aft a sleepless sleepover)on dec 7. the end of our camp. the horde of us, bong,cheegake,melvin,royston,delin,shouhao,zhengyou, stella,jiangchuan,angie,jiankai,dayang,me.we were walking out from the chi high side...down the road. n den i was suddenly thrown wif this feeling...of parting and leaving...frm the co camp.frm co peeps. these few weeks of practice, we haf been seeing each other almost every two days. n den 3 consecutive days....n den i realised that it is precisely tis type of "sian" dazu "sian" xiaozu, tt we "sian" tgther, tt we see each other no matter if we realli noe each other tt well, tt bonds us. realli. den at the gate, all of us went separate ways....jus like 1 year later, aft our concert, all of us will leave for our separate paths in life....den we would nv meet again? the same gang of people tt sloughed thru tis tired co camp? tt trained for the co concert?...syf..?...

at bustop, bid "farewell" to dayang, since he gg NS on fri. haha not tt i wont c him ani longer, jus tt it jus feel kind of strange tt the guy who alys so enthu now cannot come for ani outings in december...ani co pracs in dec....n so when i raised my hand and waved, there was this touch of bu she de. haha. dayang, one day we would sit at the "lake" and tokked about all the times huh?haha...

leaving for NS, for china, for hometowns, for taiwan, working, attachments.

n den i was wif zhengyou n shouhao, my two closer juniors, walking across the bridge....den i felt tt...our j1 era is gg to be over..n soon these juniors will be in charge of the co. whew. wat life bears...n to think this is onli 1 year of my life.

alrite.tts all frm me...im spent. eyes blackened like siao.realli sorry for the long post...jus wana say it loud...